So. Thoughts. Yes.

Have been thinking about depression and sleep. I really think that depression is correlated with sleep. In this case it would also have to be correlated with mania. So! what is the link?

I philosophize that both situations occur with lack of enough sleep. People with depression are always tired. This is simply because they cannot get enough sleep. Sleep is important because it gives you time to understand everything and organize your brain around new information present. This is an issue in depression where people get really sleepy and are lost in their brains analyzing things and being pensive. Depression is prone to people without enough sleep who are very mental in nature or complex psychologically. These people have way more to process when they go to sleep so their chances of not getting it done are higher.

Now mania is a different beast. For mania, one can't sleep. Sleep there is is light so you cant get into the deep processing modes. I think that it's when you can't access a threshold of sleep you really start to get delusional. When you can't get down to a specific level of processing.You become very disconnected with your chi body.

Separate sleep philosophy. Your chi body leaves at night, but it takes a certain level of sleep for it to really leave. it comes back as your mind start waking up, mechanically per se. Maybe when someone is going manic they are always connected with the chi body and that body doesn't get a chance to leave. Sophia is very "connected with her body". People with depression are very not into their bodies. This is because the body is trying to leave for the sleeping processing. Manic people would just stop making stuff to have to process. They can't process anything right!

The question is- why are manic people high energy while the depression people are low energy? depression people are crippled by lack of sleep in a sad and self-deprecating way. Manic people are crippled by lack of sleep in a over-excited, self-inflationary, delusional way. People who are very analytical become depressive. People who are clever become manic. I really don't know. I guess both are delusional. Also, both are caused by lack of sleep........And obviously the way people think about things will affect the falling into one or the other.

The Transparent Lining

So some things are stating to make sense now. Not to say that the number of questions is decreasing. It's like the more I figure out, the more questions pop up as a result. It's enjoyable, but I've had to learn to love the uncertainty and recognize I can't really talk about it with people. Too many questions.

My work with enhanced qigong systems (EQS) has led me to experience so much in such a small time. I've decided to put the EQS on hold now while I re-calibrate. If I'm lucky I can maintain this level, but with my environment I'd be happy to just get all my stuff done at work. I have a whole lifetime for this, though.

I've noticed that being psychic really isn't very far off from where I am now. Right now I can a) feel the chi in my body b) discern some of the kinds of chi c) move around the chi d) control the ground chi and the air chi e) use the wei chi to some extent to shield myself f) feel the chi of a room or area g) feel the chi body of a person, though I haven't really practiced. I'd like to.

I found out that medicine men in the rainforest can feel these things too. They are so good at it that they can feel the specific chi body of a plant (maybe more than just chi) and tell what it would be good for medicinally. These things weren't done trail and error style.

My desire to smoke and drink has gone down. Only a little bit, though. My desire to eat healthy has risen. Most importantly, I feel a bit more relaxed. Less timid for sure. I'm starting to test the limits of what I can get away with with people. Results have been good. I really can be more assertive. My brain is a tool, not my identity.

My view on what is individuality is also changing. So many college quasi-hipster types like myself were so dull to talk to unless inebriated but wore these clothes that made them seem cool and interesting. It's like if they dressed a certain way they were happy with their individuality and it proved at some level, yeah, they were cool. The problem was actually getting to that level with them at some party where you can only talk to people for 5 minutes or shit isn't cool anymore. Now I'm finding that clothes don't matter unless your in some circle that does. What matters is the ability to have a vision, follow a plan, be kind, creative, sensible, keep emotions in check, and always stay optimistic. Any deviation can be a downward spiral, but the longer you keep it up, the easier it is to maintain it and to return to it when you deviate.

I find the deviation is composed usually of environmental factors. Things out of your control.

Another thing I've been thinking about is the way our society has been set up. Our society has been set up to service the physical body only where as the older, natural ways of living feed the chi body also (and other bodies?) more so. Lets take medicine. Modern medicine is all about finding a mechanical or chemical way to fix a problem that occurs in the physical body. Like cancer: they go in and cut it out. That really doesn't do much for the problem which probably originated in the chi body. They are treating the symptoms. Not to say all problems originate in the chi (or deeper?) bodies. Take sunburns for example. But I digress. I think homeopathic medicine is not understood by western science because it works on the chi body (maybe other bodies too?)

This brings me to a few questions which are testable. 1) Does the placebo effect, commonly regarded as the sole reason for the success of homeopathic medicine, vary between individuals in a scalable fashion? 2) Do different propensities of the placebo effect correlate with the effectiveness of homeopathic drugs? 3) Do methods or exercises exist which can increase the propensity for the placebo effect? What about yoga or esp. qigong?

I feel if these mystical traditions do increase the ability to use the placebo effect, then the doors are open for developing a new understanding of what the placebo effect is, which I feel should correlate with the chi body. The kicker is that if qigong is effective at doing healing and its proven, everyone will want to do it and hopefully the world can start to go from modernism to a spiritual post-modernism where people are happy and things work nicely.

at some point chi will have to be measured. I hate to say it but I think it can be stored in crystals. I don't know what kind or anything. I'd like to try charging a crystal and putting it in soil and growing a plant on top in comparison with a control planted by another person with a similar uncharged crystal. Jeez this sounds hokey! But this may be a primal method of quantifying chi. It will ultimately have to be quantified with some sort of living thing. Probably a plant. I wonder if bacteria have chi bodies.

I wonder if life on earth evolved to have more and more bodies with the initial life having only physical bodies or if everything has every body. Maybe I will know one day.

So Much

I feel so much different as a human. Glad to be back.

The pinchgrove heather cycle creases its coners and ties its pigtails ecause, son, we got a lot of work to do today.

You just get your coat on and take a few of them sanwiches. Who knows you know? who even knows. and thats when you stop the bastard and say, "But he knows!".

And then the monter's heart caved in that day forced in down y the sheep beauty of the moment.

i feel so human. so mortal.

when the angel of relax is presemt is when i strike. it is so.

i havent been keepin up with thing. yea. so what?

apperantly im apart from everyone. is what the philosophers say

its about to get deep so tune out if nesecary-----------------------------

im haveing trouble typing this.

o feel so lost. i nuclear submarine with no anchor. set to a certain place with no coordinates.

what do i need my friend?

my

my its been some time.

my my my my my my my

yes yes.

so i seem to have a scarlet triangle superseding the interior my of human. my human is me by the. way. i am me so i own me. it is only logical. fuck logical.

so. so so so so so.

today has been eventish. lots of crazy loves and fishes and strikes and misses. i really have no idea what to do with myself or anything. Im just going to let this flow into one pharagragh. ive been meaning to let my interiors flow for some time. its only healthy right???

so, take not readers, this in not me. this is a concentration of one part of me. the worst part most would say, the best part others would say, a minority indeed. i am afraid, sorry to say, so i will condemn parts to parabole.

i love whale. whale wisited me today and i love it. i will always love whale. i have a boat. on this boat i paddle upstream in search of sea creatures. whale befriended me once and stayed. but ince whale and i became best friends, i left! i was all alone, many other fish in the sea of course! no whales though. whales are special. anyway,i met this same whlae today. for some reason it swam and met me along the channel of all places. it was shallow! i guess it was a hard decision for el whalo.

anyway. my metaphor is obvious. if you dont understand it i want to be your friend.

i aloso talked to julie today. i like julie. she is fun. i am a liker of fun fun. mayne i will see julie again?

my stomach hurts man. it do.

angry balloons

it is here, the day. they day of RECKONING.

not really.

i feel like i had something to write here. what the flippin jesu was it?

im putting on some arsis to hear. i never really got into arsis, but i really like 'face of my innocence'. one just has to grasp the melodies you know? if that doesnt happen then you'll never be attached to the music.

my god, i had forgotten how much i prey mantis on physics. im so flippin good its not even humorous except for the fact that im always laughing really loud while doing it. im so good it makes me laugh out of my pants.

but yes. my sunboncious is really turning the fact lately that reality is a dream and trying results in dissatisfaction. it makes things so much easier. so much. as long as you act on the whim and the heart, the persona, is pure in your own view then everything works out splendid.

oh, i remembered what i wanted to type about. im friken glad cause i was gettin bored.
pleasure, its a very odd phenomenon. i was walking to class today and the sun was very warm. i stopped in the light of it. the gleaming rays of your orange solus just to feel the radiation on my skin.

pleasure.

i stopped o think why it was good. there really was no reason. it was but a sensation, neither good or bad. i want to say that there are no good nor bad sensations in and of themselves and that society conditions us to like or dislike various sensations. but, though this is true for some phenomena, it is not true generally.

there is something that causes us to like and dislike certain things. that must be a part of instinct. it must be one of the instinct's base properties. its funny to think that something so primal as instict plays such a large role everywhere in our modern world. everyone dissociates among food. everyone uses their insticts and dislikes certain foods or especially finds pleasure in other ones.

tats realy all i can speculate on pleasure. its fully based on instict.

my purple spectacles

i want a drawer neatly organized with spectacles of ever shade of color known to man in a rainbow-esque spiral.

id get to

wake up every day and think about which way id like to obstruct reality. some days id get a bit too excited and switch off two pairs a day. im sure.

what color shall the world be today?

what spectacles do we already have on is the question. precisely.

but thats not what i wanted to write about.
what i wanted to write about was human nature.

hhhmmmmmm

so heres the question i have been posed and must answer:
are people good because of conditioning or because of something inside of them naturally.

my first steph-esque instinct is to say a bit of both.
but then i have to re-think that. what proof do i have for the latter part? i surely have proof for the former.

here it is.

i think that the love of kin is the overlooked aspect. it starts with the immediate family and diffuses over the less related getting weaker. you have the same feeling for your race or country, for instance, but the feeling is not of such a caliber.

this love and kinship is what fuels the tribes which fuel the civilizations which fuel the constructs conditioned into us.
where does this come from?

easy, it comes from natural selection.

god dammit. science is so un-romantic.

but then why is it that some people can love their family but steal from their neighbors of the same ethnic group? some people steal from their own families!!

of course these are 'bad' people. they are looked down upon by society. but, why does this happen? one is a lack of resources. they need food or shelter and have to take it from anybody-

but suppose there was a man or woman who had everything they needeed for survival and then some and then they stole from their neighbor or family for sheer greed.

this is a 'very bad' person. society hates them. but, why does this happen? it seems as if this person is missing a key ingredient in their charactor that their countrymen have. either that or they have an extra ingredient.

im afraid to say that i cannot go any furthur on account of id have to study the person. if they had also a deep love for their family that would make them very very interesting.


its all society though. thats the only reason vikings could have peace of mind while raping and pillaging. haha vikings.



i wish i could come up wit