story

once upon a time there was a catipillar named jethro.

listen:
jethro had a family. he had a wife. he had two children. he was employed by conoco phillips, a suitable company to be employed by in todays economy. he had done well in caterpillar high school and caterpillar college. in caterpillar college he had a friend named phil. phil was his best friend his freshman year. phil studied a little bit but quickly got into other things like crumb-finding and beetle polo. his grades slipped and had had to go back home. all the way to the next yard. jethro did not have this happen to him. jethro was a good student.

jethro saw phil going down the slippery slope but stayed to his studies like a good caterpillar. all the monarchs loved him because he was so determined and hard-working. at conoco phillips jethro analyzed large amountages of data. he liked numbers and amountages and data. the moths and butterflies above him liked him a lot because he loved working with their numbers so much. they gave him a lot of money to spend.

as jethro walked home, across the sidewalk one day having been told by the monarchs that none of the humans were coming. nearing the other side he found a mighty precinct of ants attacking one of the earthworms that so briskly and smoothly slid in and out of the dirt around his home protecting it from grubs, ants and other threatning and scary things. this ones name was sheriff silder.

They had gotten to him and were eating him alive! the ants!

jethros heart beat faster and a chill ran down his spine.

when sheriff silder was a young worm and his mother called him billy even though his name was william and he liked it said that way. sheriff william silder decided he was going to try and climb a dandilion growing high above all the other grass one day. all his playmates had said it was the most rewarding experience a non-vertebrae could have. to be able to see all around. so, william silder found a suitable root after a few minutes digging to the surface and started a'climbin.

higher he rose. higher and higher and higher. half and inch, one inch, 2! he had his sticky body wrapped around the stem in a spiral and was inching himself up and up. up and up and up. finally he reached the dandilion head and its jovial but wise face said to him. "hmmmm this is not a place worms should be. hmmmmmm. what if i bend over into the sidewalk? hmmmmmm, with your weight anything could happen. hmmmmm?" william silder thought about this.

being an earthworm he got scared and started to squirm around, flailin' all over the flippin place. you know how those silly earthworms squim. they're just so unreasonable. and of course you have absolutely no bad intent. your not some sort of hungry bird. it was a sight to see for a ladybug named molly passing by and resting on the head of a dandilion next to our young hero's dandelion. molly got to see many funny obstacles like this though. i guess she was just lucky. always passin' through the right place at the right time. she had tons of nice stories to tell people.

ever since then jethro had been afraid of heights and very much afraid of sidewalks. see, earthworms have very simple minds. they dont use reason like we do see. they just dont understand reason.

but young william silder was a virtuous young worm and decided that after that incident he would devote his whole life and existence to the protection of friendly non-vertebrae. as mentioned afore, he would almost die from a guerrilla attack of the red gang precinct 56 when he was just trying to divert attention from a young doodlebug. THAT is how virtuous he was.

anyhow, pay attention to the story:
jethro was scared stiff. it was fortunate cause if he were to take a step futher the red gang precinct 56 might have seen or smelled him! then he would be dead meat. a carcass. he would never ever be able to build his chrysalis when he was a weary and fat old caterpillar so that he could become a beautiful monarch. quickly he made a little 'u' with his body. and headed back the way he came.

his body looked a little bit like this:

u

when he got to the other side he said to the crossing moth, "countryman!" gasp "comrade! sir moth!" gasp-exhale-gasp, "sheriff sildery!" gasp-exhale-gasp-exhale-gasp "is being attacked by red precinct 56!!!" it was a funny quirk about jethro, he added -y to the name of a peron that was introuble whenever he was scared. some people are drug addicts and some people like to gamble too much. jethro added -y to peoples names sometimes. "sheriff sidery might DIE!" he yelled.

the crossing moth, duke eiderberry, who wasnt trained for situations like these but was really big [like as big as a small person's hand] and could do anything, flapped his wings once, twice, and flew to the rescue. when he was almost across the sidewalk flopping his wings about. you know how moths do. they're so uncoordinated all the time. he swooped down and rolled sheriff silder over. most of the ants scatterred because they were afraid. some were still at it though. they were troopers. duke eiderberry made another round and came down again. he flopped the sheriff over again sending the others skimpering away. he landed next to the sheriff. the sheriff was in bad condition. very bad. though he had given a good fight and a few dead precinct 56 ants were scattered upside down with their squirmy legs in the air, he was scarcely breathing.

those bastards.

duke eiderberry calmly but authoritatively said to the sheriff "its going to be ok. i have lady sprout-n-sparkle's number." he called her and she picked up on the 6rd ring. she always picked up on the 6th ring. right when you were thinking she wasnt going to pick up her phone and youd have to leave a message shed always pick up. she never blew anyone off. it was probably because she was so magical. she was very magical. she was so magical that she could heal bugs all the time and thats why the duke called her. duke eiderberry was resourceful.

so when the duke called her she said she be right over at once. though she was busy she was having tea with the prince, she told the prestigious prince that virtue couldn't wait and flew right out of the luxurious hole in the prince's tree.

lady sprout-n-sparkle was the most beautiful butterfly anyone had ever laid their black pupils on. she had magentas, yellows, oranges, greens and lavenders laid intricately on her wings. you know how nature does that? nature can be ever so beautiful. and it usually is very beautiful too. its only not beautiful when we mess it up or over-analyze it. or try to apply math to it. math is for people who over-analyze things.

the lady's personality was even more beautiful than the body and wings and all. she was loving, caring, exciting and always had a good story. she was overall very virtuous and no matter how the men she was with devilishly played games with her heart. she would never become jaded or unable to trust anybody. she was just so pure. everybody was attracted to her and she wanted to help everyone.

as she flew over across the street, high in the sky observing all the new flowers that day, she thought of a time, way back when she was still a caterpillar much like our friend jethro. she was crawling about a root on a tree when a chipmunk stopped to chat with her. a chipmunk! how rare! the chipmunk liked to talk quite a bit and was only really talking to her because his comrades were everywhere but there. he spoke of many things such as the weather and how he thought some of his countrymen were watching where he put his acorns and the status of the blue bird nest under construction. it was an odd experience and it left an imprint on the lady's memory. thats for sure.

the chipmunks' name was gavin. gavin was later killed by an 8 year old with a slingshot who was excited by violence and wanted to have a gun. he wanted to have a gun because he saw guns in the cartoons on television and all the third graders in his class, ms. betty's, class were trained by society and the media to think that guns make them more like men when really they made men more like paranoid schizophrenics with large egos. real men arnt scared of anything and dont have large egos. when the kid killed gavin, the child was happy for a moment. happiness can be very meaningless.

dont let your mind wander, listen:
when she got there she saw the beaten-up and bitten sheriff. she landed all six legs on poor poor sheriff silder and flutteted her wings twice and balanced them out flat at her sides. her awareness constricted and she put only the healing of the sheriff in her mind. a tingling feeling was felt all about and the sheriff started to relax into breathing just fine.

the beautiful butterfly gracefully stepped off the sheriff and the sheriff said "thank you!"

jethro came trodding over. he had seen the lady futter by and had assumed what was happening right now was happening. he was good at predicting things like this.

the lady said to the sheriff "im sure you feel fine now, dont you?"
the worm said, with his country twang, "wow. i do. precinct 56 really has taken a step foreward though. to attack a sheriff!? they've never gone to these depths of blackness and desire!"

lady sprout-n-sparkle said "yes yes, there is darkness running through them. they are becoming insane i know it. it stared when the men took over the area and built sidewalks and streets. the ants turned from being black and peaceful to fire red and aggressive. we used to be friends with them so. we never used to worry, but the red ants drove our friends away. they took their nitch! the red ants' guerrilla attacks started in the 20s when they moved here from a port in alabama. they were accidentally introduced to north america from sounth america when they were brought along on a cargo ship in 1918.

the lady knew these sorts of things. she was amazing.

"but they've never been this bad. darkness is spreading over the block. it must be the darkness of human desire. its infecting the ants too. evil spreads easily. dont let it invade us too." but she didnt have to worry. the bugs were pure of heart. we should be more like them. except the fire ants, they were machines. they dont count.

"aye aye lady sprout n sparkle", jethro said.
"aye aye"

the en