we know nothing

look at the title i gave this message. absorb it. this is something that was not just an offhand and whimsical remark. i really mean it. the scope is too large. far to large for us to know anything meaningful. the pursuit of knowledge is silly. there is so much. it is so vast. who cares if we know how the world workes or its history. all that makes us is well informed humans who can tell other well informed humans things that interest them.

i suppose its good to be a well informed human, if you are a human indeed. but then again there are a few other possibilities. one is the route i seem to be taking.

i find myself dissociating.

this is a message that is honest. my others are just blither. blither blither blither.

blither blither blither.

there will be more messages with blither.

more blither blither blither

hopefully.

the thing is: ive found recently and i finally shared today that the main obstacle between doing absolutely anything and not doing it is the subconscious. the subconscious has in it that it things are the way society taught them to be. the subconscious is the root of all perception one could say. not matter how much you believe in your conscious mind that reality is but a perception, you wont observe anything due to your subconscious holding the construct that society dictated to it.

it is true.

it is hard to change the subconscious mind. very hard.

it takes time.

the subconscious is the one that feels love and feels critical and feels continuous joy. it is the driving force of you personality. the consciousness is just the facade.

i determined a week ago or so that at the very base i am selfish and cruel. thats how i was when i was a kid. but, but, i dont like that part of me. i really dont and it doesnt come up often at all. not at all. if it does its only stray thoughts. tis a good thing. in a few years it will be phased out entirely.

it occurs to me that the only reason why i was a nice guy in early high school and all was because i think slowly and because i was afraid of people and cared about how they thought. i think alot of nice guys are nice because of that. i dont even know why im a good person right now, but i am.


ive noticed just right now that i am not at all as over analytical as my subconscious is comfortable with. i used to be more over analytical and it made me a worse person. of course i can only notice this in certain states of mind. the thing is, this is how most people live. no wonder my memory has been worse, i havent been drilling myself with the information over and over again.

i think im just fine.

people dont judge and if they do it doesnt matter. if you are fairly pure people will like you. wait, no, i take that back. if you are like them they will like you. wait, no. no. people are stupid and dont matter for the most part. they only matter if they can help you of if you can help them. or if you like being around them.

people i associate with are under-analytical; and successful ones are kind of analytical. actually. i dont think you can be happy if your over-analytical.

i guess im changing.

'gettin a little bit better no doubt'

----the doctor bit was so far
----gazing through your purple spectacles,
----i can see youve had your fun.

i will study hard hard hard.

sorry for the donovan reference foo'